Just like I do each and every week for some binge eating newsletter inspiration, I was looking through past binge eating journals. One that I came across was titled, “What Will I Do Once I’m Healthy”.
Here are some things on my list:
- Take a belly dancing class
- Tuck in my shirt
- Go shopping like I used to and grab things off the rack without worrying whether or not they’ll fit
- Wear shorts & dresses without worrying about my legs
- Wear tank tops without worrying about my arms
- Take a pole dancing class
- Buy clothes that fit me well and look great
- Run a marathon
- Participate in things instead of being afraid of looking stupid or not being able to do something because of my weight.
- Feel good in a bathing suit
- Find cute clothes in a boutique where they usually only have small sizes
- I want to be out in public without having to be thinking about sucking in my belly to make the fat rolls disappear from other people’s sight.
- I want to feel healthy and careless
- Take a ballet class
Just last night, I took my first-ever pole dancing class with some of my girl friends. It was so fun and I wondered to myself why I hadn’t tried doing this before. I’m sure you can think of a lot of things that you want to do, but feel you can’t because you have binge eating disorder.
The thing is, binge eating disorder obviously affects your weight, but it also affects your self-esteem. It makes you immediately have an excuse as to why you can’t try something new.
“I’m not good enough.”
“I’ll look stupid.”
“Everyone will be in shape.”
“I won’t be able to do it.”
“I’ll be the largest person there.”
“I don’t deserve to do xyz.”
There are always excuses as to why you shouldn’t do something… and excuses get in the way of you living your life. Who says you can’t try something new just because you have binge eating disorder? Tell yourself that you can and you should!
Even last night, before the pole dancing class, I thought to myself, “What if everyone is so toned and in shape that I stick out and look stupid?” and then I realized that I was being stupid. Who cares if someone is more toned than I am. What does it really matter? There will always be someone more toned than I am and that’s okay.
What matters is that I was out trying something new. I wasn’t sitting on the couch watching television. I was out there and I get an “E” for effort for at least getting out there.
I used to think of a saying when I first got into running. I was always embarrassed because I jogged so slow and wondered if people in their cars or running were judging me in their head. And then I started thinking… Who cares if I’m slow? I’m lapping the person sitting on the couch or driving in their car.
And it’s true. I was lapping them, no matter how slow I was jogging.
You can’t measure yourself by the fact that you don’t have a healthy relationship with food. It’s not who you are and it certainly does not define you. Same goes for other people. Don’t think about what they might say or not say. Just focus on you. Focus on trying something new and being proud of yourself. Focus on getting off of the couch. Remember that every great person started out as a beginner too.
And for the record, when I got to pole dancing class last night, I had fun. I never once thought about how the girl in front of me might be laughing at me because I couldn’t get my spin. She wasn’t focused on me; she was busy trying to get her moves down.
So I encourage you to start checking things off of your “when I get healthy, I will…” list.
Start living in the present and trying new things now!